Let’s talk government intervention…

My son has asthma.  This has been easily handled thanks to having decent insurance and also being able to purchase over the counter inhalers for less than $20.00 for most of his life.  This all changed about two years ago.  Inhalers were “repackaged” and supposedly made more “safe”.  The funny things, this change had two steps that have now made his condition much more dangerous.

1) The repackaging and labeling allowed the pharmaceutical companies to now charge an exorbitant fee for their product as it was a “new” product now and all inhalers prior to the new requirements were recalled and pulled from shelves.

2) In order to get  these inhalers you now have to see a Dr every time you need a refill and you MUST have a prescription.  YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PRESCRIPTION TO BREATHE!!!

Something that costs less than $20.00 now costs, with insurance (really good ins.), $58.00.  You may be saying, wait Jamie, this is the drug companies fault.  No, its the fault of our government by allowing themselves to bought and sold to the biggest bidder and taking in over half a million dollars from the drug companies to rewrite policy to benefit THEIR bottom line.  Lets not think about the thousands of people who suffer from this and in a moment’s emergency reach for their inhaler and its low.  Instead of being able to get to the nearest pharmacy and grab an inhaler off the shelf….they must go to an emergency room for treatments.  If you happen to be running short on funds one month, well, I hope you don’t have asthma because you may find yourself struggling for air as you try to make it to your next paycheck so you can afford this “new and improved” inhaler that was created solely for the purpose of lining pockets because you are nothing more than a power point bullet on the many ways the drug companies would like to utilize your illness to pad their bank accounts.

The government, by allowing themselves to be bought and sold, have decided to play with the very lives they have been elected by to serve in your best interests.  If you are not paying attention, they are going to serve you right to death.

Its that time of day….

If you work a desk job or anything similar, you may understand.  I’m done.  Its that time of day, when the amount of time till I’m off and the work in front of me do not balance out – so, I’m just done.  I’ll fill the last few vestiges of time any way I can in order to “look” busy but really, clock killing is what I’m doing.

I would have stayed on task except I hit a wrong button and something got saved all flipping wrong.  I don’t feel like taking the time to fix it and frankly don’t have enough time left so – tomorrow it will be made right and I’ll finish what I’m doing.

I would feel guilty, except for one of the more important people of the company across the hall from me has been gossiping in his office for the last hour and doing absolutely nothing.  I should have better ethics here but, eh, some days I’m just not up to the task of being the perfect employee.

I did manage to get an entire paragraph written on the space pirate novel.  There’s that….  :)

I should have been doing this all along….

Writing to commence daily at this point. I may only get out a sentence here and there….I might actually get a paragraph but I’m getting something down. I WILL finish and it may read like utter tripe but that mother fucker is getting done.

Question is — which one. I guess I’ll go by mood and when sci-fi snark hits me we’ll go with Jason Leeks and when I feel like exploring fantasy/horror we’ll go down the rabbit hole of that other story which completely comes as a blank right now. Huh. I can’t remember the damn story and I wrote an entire introduction……. long ass one too.

I also now have the hubby riding my ass about completing the screen play for 7″s of Love. I have the story but it needs to be converted into a screen play and then he is now going on about wanting to do short films again so I have had to drag out the notebook of splatter films and reacquaint myself with all of those gory stories. He has informed me we now have friends who have the means to make some of these short films happen if we get off our duffs.

Have I mentioned how much I really just need, like, a year to myself. No job, just well, the job of writing for myself. blah!

overwhelmingtoomuchitalllooksthesame

This stream of words is pulsating in my head. I keep trying to configure and set up the fine arts website. Instead, I’m staring at the screen trying to decide the look/feel of the site and I cannot make a single decision. I really wish I could afford to have someone who is amazing and talented and uber cheap to get this going but instead I’m going to keep staring and hope a magic elf appears to do all the work for me.

Come on magic elf…I know you’re in there somewhere…..

Holy Crap. I’m having a midlife crisis…..

The problem with doing everything in my life backwards is that it finds me having a midlife crisis like some horribly cheesy Hollywood film. I’m whining, kicking and screaming; throwing my own personal fit because I can’t have what I want right NOW. The boy came first at 20, then marriage, then the girl at 24 and along the way I managed to pick up an accounting “career”. This is where I shot myself in the damn foot. I should have started creating then and found a way to make it work. Now, I’m sitting watching the clock and calendar speed past as I wait my turn. The problem with my plush career is just that….it has provided me and the family a certain comfort level that I can’t step away from now. Not because I think I’m too good to live any other way but damn if I don’t have a mortgage now. Ugh.

I’m trying very hard to behave during this crisis. (As much as one can when you want to go running for the hills and reinvent your life.) Now we throw in the being displaced because this massive building we mortgage has been severely damaged and my limited routine is quashed and I’m in limbo going, ‘’What?” This shall pass and hopefully it will get easier as the time goes by giving me some opportunity to create and get something (anything please) heading in the right direction for a life as a creative person. Thank Cthulhu for my dearest husband who puts up with my random rantings and diatribes on the insanity that I cornered myself into when younger. I know this will pass.

Am I the only one here? Have any others found themselves, middle-aged and questioning their life path; desperate to move it to another course but stuck due to circumstance until a future time? How the heck do you deal with this and keep yourself from losing your marbles waiting your turn? To complicate matters, yes, I know I could probably hunker down and work full-time while pushing myself to get my own thing going with art and writing but then it aggravates my whole “bipolar” thingy I got going on and I really do start to lose my very tentative grip on reality. I cannot multi-task multiple high stress things at once. I get to pick one or two things I can do at once and nothing more. Otherwise, I’ll be catatonic in the bed wondering if I’m real and the world can actually see me. It gets really ugly and not fun.

I guess I feel a tad better after brain dumping all this whining. I do have a great weekend ahead of me as it is Via Colori weekend here in Houston. I get to spend the weekend painting a 6ftX6ft square on the streets of downtown and enjoy great music, food and visit with hundreds of other artists. It is also the weekend of our famous ArtCrawl. So, while I must sit daily and analyze numbers and make pretty spreadsheets in excel that do amazing, complicated calculations – I will remember that MY time is coming and when it does I will be a force of creativity that won’t slow down and all these rambling ideas and stories will finally see the light!

If you are in the Houston Area here is all the info on Via Colori. Come out and say HI! I’d love to meet some new people.

http://centerhearingandspeech.org/via-colori/

Where are all the female writers?

There are three specific genres I am passionate about when reading; science-fiction, horror and fantasy. Each of these genres has been very influential in my life and has had a hand in molding my personality and who I am yet when I look back — I don’t recall very many female authors in this genre. The most influential writers of the current times that have made a huge impact on me are Douglas Adams, Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman and Stepehn King. I can only think of one female author who made an impact and that was Kathe Koja and her book Bad Brains. I believe I have read that particular book at least 20 times. However, I have no other female authors in these genres on my bookshelves. Why? Is it because women tend to write in other genres or is it because woman are not as accepted? I don’t know that answer. I’m not one to jump on the “woman are not treated equally” band wagon. In fact, I tend to steer as clear away from that mantra as possible yet I’m perplexed by this phenomenon. Especially since these threee genres are the ones I tend to write stories under.

Speaking of writing. I formulated a new idea while clearing an excel spreadsheet over the last few days. It centers around an entity seeping through the dimensional walls and infecting a playground full of children. Initially thought to be a disease – they are treated at a local hospital only to discover it is something much more sinister and turning the chidren from peaceful happy-go-lucky youths into something much darker and dangerous. I’m fleshing out the storyline. Hopefully I’ll get to work on this soon. I seem to be stuck in a no-go situation with Jason Leeks momentarily so maybe stepping into another world for a bit will stop me from obsessing and the story will start to flow naturally again or at the very least I can relax from trying to move that forward for a bit.

Anywho – thoughts on this whole, woman not being in the top of the three genres I listed (horror, science-fiction or fantasy)? I’d love to hear from others on their opinions of this. I have no definitive opinion; just curiousity.

And then life happened

In the last few weeks, maybe months, I had found myself succumbing to that familiar old sensation called “fear”. You know, the fear of doing anything for the fact that it might actually be completely ignored and inconsequential in the fabric of the lives of those who you are trying to impress. I found myself ground to a halt yet once again. I haven’t finished my latest projects in the art studio and Jason…poor Jason Leeks. He has been stuck in the cockpit of a spaceship shortly from his kidnapping and has made no progress at all. This is frustrating and I had really thought I was beyond this little problem but alas, I don’t think it will ever go away.

Then this happened:

Mom, the garage is on fire....

The roof is on fire….

It has started to put things into perspective. I have no art supplies currently in the temporary apartment we are living at these days. I didn’t lose everything but they took it all when they cleared the house for cleaning and have shoved it all into storage. Its just as well because this temporary housing has no place for me to set anything up. However, I am dying to create; to get my hands on anything and make something. I have some great friends who have provided me the basics of sketch pads and drawing pencils — thank freakin’ jeebus.

I have been trying to get myself out of the corporate world for so long and go through this stop/start rhythm for so long. I had recently started doing some freelance work online for accounting/administration type work and it was going pretty well. I was beginning to see a light that would get me out of my drudgery and into a home office where I would have more time to write and create then…fire. There is also a great mentoring program that is taking applications for a year long artist mentorship with a local artist who has mastered the skill of creating his own business from his talent. You get to spend a year working in the studio in his gallery and with his guidance learn what it takes to get yourself to the next step. I’m terrified and don’t know if I’m ready to make that leap but if not now….when? The biggest hurdle in my mind IS my mind. I know my limits with stress. Being bi-polar I have to be very conscious of how much stress I allow in my life and I have to make sure I do not take on so many responsibilities that I overwhelm my brain. This causes a rather negative outcome and ends with me usually in a corner looking down on myself wondering about my very existence. It is not pretty and nor is it conducive to actually accomplishing anything. In the midst of this internal struggle I am searching for a new full-time job. My contract stint is running out of time and I’m running out of patience with the ridiculousness of this monkey work. Can I handle a new job AND the mentorship program? I don’t know but I feel like I have to try. Yet, fear sets in and has me hiding in the shadows. *sigh* I hate my brain sometimes.

And poor Jason Leeks. His story has been playing itself out in my mind on a regular basis but I can’t seem to get it out of there. He has been sitting in that cockpit in the middle of an argument now for a couple of months with no end in sight. My house catching fire and being put out for what could be up to six months for repairs is making me really evaluate myself and how I keep letting things stand in my way and become an excuse. I don’t know if this will finally get me back on track or not but I know it has me seriously contemplating on why I have been letting something as silly as *fear* of going unnoticed stop me from accomplishing things. It is not like I’m exactly a glowing spotlight of recognition at the moment so it is not like I’m making it worse. So, decisions to be made including paint colors for my entire house (which is rather exciting because I have HATED the color of all my walls for years now) and getting myself to accept full commitment to the things that I have started and wish to see through regardless of what my mind is trying to tell me.

Keep an eye out for a new site coming up. I’m working on getting one dedicated solely to my artwork and you’ll be able to purchase existing artwork or we can communicate about a commission created as a collobartion of your personality and my artistic interpretation for you. Whether I actually make a huge contribution to the world or not, I’m going to try.